Like most moms, my mom sometimes gives me unsolicited advice about my looks.

Over the years, she has politely questioned the black lug-sole loafers I wore with nice dresses, my four-size-too-large blazers, and the extra messy bun I put my hair in for a family wedding.

Hey, it was the 90s! But for the record, she was right on all three accounts.

But my mother never mentioned my weight.

She never once looked at my hips and suggested a little helping of pasta, even though I returned home from my freshman year of college with 15 extra pounds on my 5’1″ frame.

He never even talked about his weight.

She’s always been skinny, so perhaps it’s no surprise that she never really thought about it. But as we know, many people of all body sizes are bothered by round weight, don’t give themselves enough food, and complain about their belly.

But weight is never mentioned in my house. No one was on diet. While many of the girls I knew were counting calories and calling themselves fat, home was a safe haven away from that kind of self-loathing.

Not only did my mom never talk about her weight, but she never talked about foods being “good” or “bad.” We almost always had a stock of home-baked goods, potato chips, and ice cream in the kitchen. We also had home-cooked meals every night, vegetables from the garden, and fresh fruit in the crisper drawer.

But when I put on that much weight in college, my mom knew I wasn’t happy about it—because I told her.

So at my request, they helped me afford a visit to a local dietitian, who taught me that bagels, waffles, pizza crust, pretzels, and cereal were actually in the same food group, and that I should sometimes Would do well to add some vegetables and protein to the mix.

That dietitian also sparked my interest in nutrition, which eventually led to me becoming a dietitian.

So I’m grateful.

Many women were not so lucky.

Over the years, I’ve heard parents talk about the need to weigh and measure food, curb sweets, and exercise after dinner to burn calories.

I’ve heard of homes where diet talk was prevalent, where weight loss plans were posted on the fridge, and where only small portions and people with small bodies were praised.

Research has shown that dieting in a household and talking negatively about the body and food actually harms children, not only in the moment but long term. People who grow up in diet-focused environments are more likely to feel dissatisfied with their bodies and weight.

How to keep your child on a positive path

As a parent, you play a powerful role in your child’s views on weight, dieting, and eating (and FYI: boys can develop a negative body image and disordered eating just as much as girls!). Here are five rules for parenting your kids.

1. Keep body talk positive.

Don’t talk about your weight (or your child’s weight) or complain about the size of your thighs. Instead, talk about how your strong legs helped you climb a mountain or run a 5K.

When your child compulsively comments on someone’s body in public, acknowledge that there are all kinds of bodies—and that all bodies are good and worthy bodies. Bonus: Say enough positive things about your body and you’ll internalize thoughts that just might silence your inner critic.

Read: Life’s Too Short to Worry About Muffin Tops And How to Accept and Love Your “Post Baby” Body

2. Green-light all foods.

There are no “good” foods and “bad” foods. You’re not “good” for ordering a veggie plate or “bad” for eating pie. And kids shouldn’t grow up with lists of “good” and “bad” foods in their heads. They should not associate their goodness with what they are eating.

These labels are especially confusing for children, who may actually fear that they are “bad” for liking and wanting cookies and chips. Most kids love sweets, yet parents may talk about sugar being “bad” or kids being “good” if they eat fruit instead of cookies for dessert. (And don’t get me started on parents telling their kids that organic lollipops are “good,” but regular is “bad.” Talk about confusing!)

If you grew up with diets and lists of foods that were off limits, you may struggle with it, and that’s okay. This is your chance to break the cycle, and it may require some self-work.

Reading, How to Legalize All Foods And How Intuitive Eating Can Help You Make Peace With Food

3. Let the kids control their portions.

Offer a variety of foods at mealtimes and let your children (if they are able) serve themselves, allowing them to eat the foods and amounts they want.

Some research has shown that restricting how much food kids eat — especially “forbidden” foods like desserts and salty snacks — can backfire, causing some kids to crave them even more (and result in them sneaking or can eat more).

Demands like “eat two more bites” are also unhelpful, interfering with your kids’ natural ability to recognize their own hunger and fullness (imagine your partner insisting that you eat two when you’re feeling full). And have a bite!).

Read: Should you feed babies just one bite? And What to do if your child won’t eat dinner

4. Make change together.

Any changes related to food or exercise should be positive and involve the whole family – such as more walks after dinner or more fresh fruit on the counter. No one should be sidelined with weight-loss diets, food restrictions and rules, or extra exercise.

5. Don’t worry about your child’s body.

Over the years, you’ll watch your baby’s body grow and change — and there may be moments when you’re worried. Talk to a pediatrician (in private), who can tell you whether your child is following his or her growth curve — and if not, what might be going on. For example, many babies gain pounds before inches, which leads to a growth spurt.

But no matter where your child lands, it’s important to accept their body, which may be bigger, smaller, shorter or longer than you think. Children should feel loved and appreciated for who they are AreNot for their body size.